God! this is powerful stuff! Never saw this Thread before now.
I actually have had something of an epiphany in the last week! Friday of last week, I was yelling at my mother and relapsed yesterday week. Wed/thurs, f/by shouting at old lady Fri. Yup, she had it coming. But it changed NOTHING, so who is the fool?
Since, I have read until my eyes have fallen out, (ok not), Fought with AA peeps, and did a lot of thinking. I actually just spoke with my mother a little while ago and was quite masterful at cutting off the annoying conversation/negative/selfcentred/self aggrandizing.
She started on about my aunt in a negative light and I asked her what was the wedding cake like? She started on about the weather negatively and i said how invigorating i found it! She declined my invitation to go to town and visit someone and I said she was dead right and to enjoy her day as I would be doing it anyway! She made no mention of the "episode" and hell! neither did I! I am at a place where I have realised that I am after wasting many,many years upset at the past. I am leaving it all go! Freedom!!!
I have not taken a drink. I have really accepted that it is how I deal with and respond to them today that counts. They will NEVER change. They are what they are. I choose to live in the present.
I am absolutely NOT discounting my past, just not going to let it rule my present anymore. I am going to work the AA program until I am blue in the face!! I am not thrilled with all it's concepts but I realise that it is the only way to move forward.
If I come and find my car ruined by someone outside the store, I am not going to sit in the car for hours crying. It is done. The person who did the damage is a jerk! They have no consequences but the knowledge of what they did. If this does not bother them, I can do nothing about that. Ok, now I have rambled on enough. I am so absolutely grateful for this site! I am so grateful for AA. If they ask me one more time if I got on my knees yet................. Ha!