Hi troubledsister,
I'm here too. 3 A brothers. One is making yet another attempt at recovery w/ AA, one is active and being enabled by my mom, one gave up booze long ago but smokes weed 24/7/365.
How do you stop worrying that he is ruining his life? His wife's and son's life too? Or worse that he'll end up dying too soon... (He is a binge drinker and if drunk enough, sometimes that leads to doing cocaine.)
I learned how to stop obsessing and fretting by attending AlAnon regularly and really making the effort to work that program.
Also accepting that I have no control over their behavior and choices and accepting the worst possibility that yes, they may die, today, because of their drinking - or worse they may kill someone else while driving (one bro has lost his license due to DUIs). Once I confronted this fear and accepted that I simply am not powerful enough to control when or how they live or die I went through a sort of period of mourning but was released from that obsession. It was a big fear to confront, but I was feeding it with my anxiety and my illusions of control.
Look, things shook down at the beach house the way they did - if right now there is a period of no contact that might be a good thing. I agree with your therapist - that sounds like a great and honest message you sent him - an addict in active addiction will never hear it or respond though, but it helps release you from your obsession and should help alleviate any guilt you feel.
Focus on you and your family - leave him to his - more will be revealed!
Peace-
B