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Any siblings out there on SR? Haven't heard from my brother in 2 months..

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Any siblings out there on SR? Haven't heard from my brother in 2 months..

Old 10-27-2010, 11:02 AM
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Unhappy Any siblings out there on SR? Haven't heard from my brother in 2 months..

Just wondering if there are any siblings of Alcoholics (or addicts) out there? I'm usually seeing posts from spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends, sometimes parents. I guess this makes sense since I'm more removed physically anyway. (My brother lives 8 hrs away)

I haven't heard from my brother since our interrupted beach house vacation (we left after 3 nights/2 days of their son pinching my kids, etc..). I guess I just have to leave things be at this point?? I sent my nephew a bday gift, tried to phone so my kids could wish him a happy bday, texted my bro on his bday. All met w the silent treatment. My parents (in denial) said He is waiting for an apology. However my therapist said to send the "I love you, its been difficult w your drinking/drugging, I'm here to support your recovery" letter. I emailed that Sat night and I dont think I'll hear from him.

How do you stop worrying that he is ruining his life? His wife's and son's life too? Or worse that he'll end up dying too soon... (He is a binge drinker and if drunk enough, sometimes that leads to doing cocaine.)
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Old 10-27-2010, 11:16 AM
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Just wondering if there are any siblings of Alcoholics (or addicts) out there?
Hi TroubledSister. Yes, here I am. Sorry you feel so alone. I agree, the issues are the same but different when it is your sibling as opposed to your spouse or significant other.

Right now I am pretty worried that one of my brothers is relapsing. He has been clean & sober for about two years now but just had an accident and likely is back on pain pills. There is nothing I can do but pray.

Another brother is severely mentally ill and alcoholic, and is now homeless. I haven't heard from him since I think Friday and I do not know what to do. I have called the homeless shelter where I believe he may be staying but I did not get to speak with him. I have limited resources but I want to help him. I am also trying to help my elderly parents. I'm a little overwhelmed right now.

How do you stop worrying that he is ruining his life? His wife's and son's life too? Or worse that he'll end up dying too soon...
I do not believe this is something you learn how to do overnight. There are no quick or easy fixes. I learned how to better handle these situations by going to Al-Anon and working on myself. And by reading A LOT about alcoholism and learning as much as I can. Focusing on me and making my life better has put me in a better position to take care of myself and be able to lend a hand to my family.
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Old 10-27-2010, 03:11 PM
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Hi Troubled Sister. i'm here too. I have two alcoholic brothers, did have three but one a twin died six years ago. My father was also alcoholic, he died in january age 81. I am now having to cope with my mothers enabling of brother, who is age 47 and has no family of his own, only mother and his siblings. You may have read my posts on here. The onlyway i can cope is by having as little contact with them as possible, as i always end up upset, as they expect me to get involved with the continuous drama's and madness. I do feel sorry for my mother, but she sulks if i don't go along with her, so i find myself distancing myself from her too.
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:20 AM
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Timetolive, Hope you find your brother is safe. I guess I really should check out an Alanon meeting. I am focusing more on myself these days (since both kids are in school full day) and taking up tennis and photography. But I also have a full plate w my kids - son has very high functioning autism and daughter has some insatiability issues. So the stress never really ends (fighting the school for services for my son, working on the issues w daughter, dealing w my parents who are in denial, feeling like my only sibling is now estranged...)

Thanks to you both for responding..atleast helps to know I'm not alone. Hope you both are spending time on yourselves...
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:00 AM
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Hi troubledsister,

I'm here too. 3 A brothers. One is making yet another attempt at recovery w/ AA, one is active and being enabled by my mom, one gave up booze long ago but smokes weed 24/7/365.

How do you stop worrying that he is ruining his life? His wife's and son's life too? Or worse that he'll end up dying too soon... (He is a binge drinker and if drunk enough, sometimes that leads to doing cocaine.)

I learned how to stop obsessing and fretting by attending AlAnon regularly and really making the effort to work that program.

Also accepting that I have no control over their behavior and choices and accepting the worst possibility that yes, they may die, today, because of their drinking - or worse they may kill someone else while driving (one bro has lost his license due to DUIs). Once I confronted this fear and accepted that I simply am not powerful enough to control when or how they live or die I went through a sort of period of mourning but was released from that obsession. It was a big fear to confront, but I was feeding it with my anxiety and my illusions of control.

Look, things shook down at the beach house the way they did - if right now there is a period of no contact that might be a good thing. I agree with your therapist - that sounds like a great and honest message you sent him - an addict in active addiction will never hear it or respond though, but it helps release you from your obsession and should help alleviate any guilt you feel.

Focus on you and your family - leave him to his - more will be revealed!

Peace-
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Old 10-28-2010, 11:57 AM
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I'm here too.

My sister is an alcoholic and Xanax/pain killer addict. While she was in rehab last monthher husband filed for divorce.

Since she wasn't allowed to go back to her home and could only have supervised parenting time with her kids she moved in with me and my family. That was last Friday.

So far things are going as well as can be expected. She is clean and working her discharge plan. If she uses she has to leave my home.

I haven't ever lived with an addict before and I haven't lived with her since I was 12. I'm taking one day at a time as much as she is. I don't go to any meetings, but I'm not ruling it out in the future either.
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:04 PM
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I'm here too, I never really managed the no contact bits as my brother lived less than a minutes walk away from me.
I can't really add any more at the moment, I will soon.
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