Ok .. I do have some bad motivations. I want to punish him for leaving me without electricity and food and then not talking to me for four months. I want him to feel crappy that he messed up and didn't try to take care of his daughter. I want him to see that I am strong when I know he will just try to tear me down.
Same pattern we have always had . He's a major jerk , I get angry and punish him i'n some form or another, he avoids me and runs away, I get depressed or angry that he ran away, then when he comes back I punish him for running away .
I'm not sure I trust myself and might just wait til I feel ready but if i cant then I will not feed into it by stirring the pot. God , I am so mad that he has been having fun with his aa girls he hangs out with while I have been crying at home with the baby.
I want him to think I have been having fun . How do we get over the anger even when we understand we have no control?
I hate him for leaving me and making it so difficult . I really hate the things he has done . Do I have to work all the steps before the hate goes away?