Can I just show up and show him how well I am doing ? My new job, my confidence, some cool things he missed out on ? Or is that reacting ? I want him to see that I didn't crumble when he left me . Is this really the opposite of serenity ?
I think my main motivation is to get his apology and to show him that I did not need him , I did not fail like he said I would, and I didn't run after him either. I did fine by myself for my daughter and I want him to know that. Is that ok ? Or part of a pattern ?
I keep imagining that he will be rational . When will I stop expecting him to be rational . I'm imagining us talking about all of my accomplishments like they would even matter . He can make my head spin with his logic . I never know who will show up to lunch , the sweet one or the scary one. I cannot handle the scary one.