Well, I decided to add the rest because it rang sooooooooo true for me.. Very disturbing to see someone lay it out like that, describing me EXACTLY... ugh!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Repeating Cycle of Love Addicts in Relationship
1.First the Love Addict is attracted to the power and adulation of the Avoidance Addict (or another Love Addict).
2.Fantasy is triggered and the Love Addict feels high. "It's karma, destiny, fate, we're soulmates."
3.The Love Addict feels relief from the pain of loneliness, emptiness and not mattering.
4.The Love Addict begins to enmesh with the partner, showing more neediness. Partner starts to move away, but Love Addict denies the reality of being abandoned by partner. This denial protects against the agony of rejection and abandonment.
5.Eventually the Love Addict begins to be aware of the abandonment, and denial crumbles. May rage and get hysterical; may bargain, threaten. Extreme focus on partner; must know or think about what partner is doing at all times. Some will stalk, or obsessively call or textmessage. Others endure like silent martyrs. May call partner's boss, announce to others to gain sympathy. May dress more seductively, go on vacation with partner, have affairs, showing extreme neediness to lure partner back. Relationship becomes more and more toxic.
6.Love Addict enters withdrawal. (Avoidance Addict fares better – just leaves). Love Addict’s original feelings of childhood are activated along with adult feelings of current abandonment. Pain, fear, anger, jealousy, emptiness, overwhelm, hopelessness. Extremely intense depression and suicidal feelings. Fear becomes anxiety and panic. Anger becomes frustration, rage, or homicidal jealousy. As a result of this loss, the Love addict may also face loss of income, house, being a single parent. Love Addict may be so overwhelmed that s/he goes into withdrawal or jumps to next point in cycle, obsession. This behavior shifts them outside of their painful feelings.
7.Love Addict now obsesses how to get the Avoidance Addict to return; or dreams about being rescued; or fantasizes about having a better lover; or ruminates how to get even with the Avoidance Addict partner; or contemplates indulging in another addiction like food or drugs to numb the pain; or plans another sexual encounter with a new partner to avoid being alone.
8.Love Addict now compulsively acts out the obsessive plans. Get drugs, food at 2am. Burn partner’s clothes. Go and beg partner to return, threaten suicide. Take overdose of pills. Kill partner, children and self. Go get laid.
9.Repeat cycle either with the returning partner or the ensnared new partner.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++
Progressive Stages of Love Addiction are Similar to Other Addiction Patterns
1.Increasing tolerance of inappropriate behavior from others
“Well he only hit me 3 times and I didn’t get many bruises.”
“She was only out once overnight this week.”
" I only threw the telephone.”
2.Greater Dependence
Surrender more and more responsibility to the other party.
Have them handle papers, make appointments, pick up children because “I just can’t remember”
3.Decrease In Self Care: Grooming declines, baggy clothes, disheveled look.
4.Numbness To Feelings. “I’m ok, fine” But they’re feeling pain, anger, fear, shame, jealously
5.Feeling Trapped or Stuck
Helpless to fix the relationship.
Helpless to escape pain by ending relationship.
Lost the ability to care for and value self.
Increasing despair, disillusionment, depression.
Loss of power, Loss of ability to respond.
Behavior can become bizarre.
6.The Final Stages
Feeling abused and becoming abusive.
Can only see out of a negative filter, missing the good things in partner.
Cannot see own immature irrational offensive behavior.