Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am so grateful for this 12 step program that is comprised of (at times) complete strangers that are willing to reach out and share their experience, strength and hope.
I have a sponsor and am practically through the steps (have a few amends left to make). I need to get a sponsee. I have been speaking to my sponsor and as many fellow AA members that I can. They all have echoed exactly what I've heard on this forum. That is, "protect myself at all costs." It is just amazing how personal involvement through my program has potentially saved my life. Without these people and my tools, I have no doubt that I would be following her down a really dark path. I will do my best to view my situation as my HP's will, and that he was ultimately protecting me from greater pain down the line.
I would love nothing more than to get her back, but I DO NOT want the person that I saw in the grips of her disease. That's not the person that I fell for at the beginning. And if it was, will I was too blinded to see things clearly.
I am going to work on surrendering and accepting. I guess these are the cards I was dealt - and I lost that hand. But there are plenty more hands to play in my game.
I dragged myself to a meeting this evening. I didn't want to go. I ran into a group of partners of a law firm I have been interviewing with to join their practice. Turns our they're all in recovery. What are the odds? Out of the blue, it appears that my employment situation is improved dramatically. This was giving me almost as much grief as my ex-girlfriend. Somehow, out of that terrible storm I was in, the sun shone through and rewarded me with a miracle. It's amazing.
Thank you again everyone for your kind words of wisdom.