Feeling stuck
I'm stuck. I am having such a hard time of letting go and yet I know I need to for now. I want to write him and hear from him. Haven't yet. Still early on in his rehab program where they aren't allowing calls. But I can't sit and wallow for many many months. How unhealthy is that?? I am trying. Then something will happen and I feel the need to talk to him but I can't.
Today some homeless lady was verbally harassing me because I asked her to please not bother my elderly parents. I was sort of scared and got anxious. Suddenly I felt very vulnerable and he was the first person I thought of because when I am feeling like this, his gift is in being supportive and comforting. But I can't call him. So now I feel sad again. I feel that empty spot where he was. I want to keep him in that spot but right now he seems so far far away. I struggle with being optimistic that everything will be wonderful when he is out vs. he will stay distant.
Either way, I need to focus on myself and I am trying but I can't seem to get up the motivation. And I hate that I can't talk about him with anyone because no one I know has experience with having someone in recovery as a bf. Then they judge, etc. So I've been stuffing it all in and that just compounds my isolation. I may try al-anon again but the groups in this area are very large and impersonal. At least I have SR.
Weekends are so hard. Ugh.
Thanks for listening.