being alcoholic myself i can understand the points you have posted, we know the alcoholic is full of that disease but in some cases isnt it like attracts like? I know some family members are affected more than others and DO need that Support and reassurance that they aren't to blame, but in some cases isnt the non drinker in the relationship somewhat controlling/blaming? as the alcoholic is? please do not think im causing an argument here that is so far from the truth, but in my expierience (counselling) ive seen it as bad in both parties, i agree with your early part of your post she was wrong, but did she know the full facts or did she know only a little? we know this is a family illness to which we both have A,A and AL-Anon to get us on the recovery program, i do meet a lot of narrow minded and ignorant people in my travels who really do not understand how this affects so many people, As its stated in the Big Book "the Alcoholic is like a tornado tearing through the lives of others"...Keith