I need to find a new sponsor now. The one I've had since I came to NA says she can't help me anymore. I really am trying! I am doing everything suggested to me by people with more time than me. In AA they talk about people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Sometimes I think I'm one of those... telling myself I need to take more of this because they won't give me that, taking pills I won't get high on just for the sake of popping pills, entertaining thoughts of using (as long as I don't tell anybody it's just a thought!) then pass up the opportunity to gain support, and relapse. Stuff like that...