(lookin4hope)
you're in the right place. many here know the depths of suffering you are experiencing.
what comes to mind is the first steps of alanon: that we are powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable and to surrender to our HP.
i know i am powerless over alcohol. i tried my very best to beat it, but i could not. if i did not let go, i would have been taken down with my alcoholic.
now is the time to take care of yourself. in the throes of my pain, i began each day on my knees, reaffirming to myself that i accepted that i was powerless over alcohol and may god help me to move forward. i got on my knees as soon as i woke up. it was a good way to start the day, i discovered, as it set the tone for the day. i admitted there was nothing i could do and handed it all over to my HP.
one day at a time. one hour at a time, need be.
we are here for you.
naive