Hi UsedtoBeAPearl, welcome to this great forum full of Experience, Strength and Hope.
I am 28 and I also moved together with a boyfriend, later I discovered the extent of his alcoholism. Because that is what it is. Alcoholism. Not "fun" or "a few" as they like to say. It is a horrible hell that hurts them and closer ones, deeply, and a hell many don't come out alive. That is what it is.
I left 2 years ago. It has been painful (we still see each other at work, you can imagine how fun this is for me) but it was the best decision. I get what you say about your pets! I am sure you can find a safe affordable place that lets you have your pets with you. This is the time to reach out...
We often feel shame, but we have to learn what another person is doing is not "our cross to bear". He is the one doing shameful things. Perhaps writing to your extended family is easier than talking?
Also, another thing. What he is doing is emotional abuse. I thought it was the alcohol that made him insult me and hurt me with words and some actions. No, it is an entirely different problem. My ex and this man you talk about are verbal abusers. It is important to recognize this.
They are also manipulation experts. We get you, UsedtobeAPearl. Please keep on reading/posting. Your life is under your control. Recently I was also faced with the dilemma about leaving my 2 cats. As sad as it is, your life is more important than being with your pets. The cost is too high: your sanity.
(Also, that being said, perhaps you could find a foster home for said pets, while you get back on your feet somewhere else, then reclaim them? there are many pet lovers who would be willing to do that because they would appreciate the same help.)
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Not-so-long article that sums it up
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
Tips on how to leave an abusive relationship!
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Tips on how to leave an abusive relationship!)