It's hard to put into words the feeling I had seeing him stand there with his bag at the shelter crying. I cried all the way home. He had used the cell phone I bought him to find drugs. He had used the bike I bought him to score drugs. And, he had used the money I had given him to buy the drugs. All the while, giving me the old song and dance about wanting to be in recovery. I was heartbroken. Fooled again by my own disease....
honey,
This could have been written by me. I too, bought the bike, a cell phone for him when he went to the shelter, and money sent there was used for a few beers for every one. he is so kindhearted- he shared his money and smokes I sent
oh, i have tears and pain in my heart as I read this. I pray for the clarity and strength that you seem to have.
I pray for you and your son. I know that this is hard for you. God bless you.
He seems to be growing in some good ways, your son.
I am glad that you love him enough to let go, and to let him figure out things on his own. my son is 38, and i waffle from being strong, and then go to being made sick by his manipulations and by his addiction (tho he does not drink or drug, no money for it), he is trying every trick to make me feel enough pity and/or guilt, so that i might give in, and buy beer , for his terrible depression and anxiety. i am not, tho sometimes i think it would be easier if i just kept him drunk for the rest of his life, than to listen to his sad /angry complaints all the time- but of course i would not do that.
how true, that it is so hard to carry someone elses addiction along with our own. you are doing a fantastic job. I hope that you are finding peace. You seem to be fine tuning your dealings with him, and it is obvious that it takes some times, in most situations, before we get it right. I am not doing well , but your post gives me hope and thank you for sharing it. I cannot believe how similar this is to my life, but without your wisdom, detachment skills, and strength.
sending wishes for good things for both of you,
chicory