Thank you all for the kind welcome and your words of encouragement. I think you made me realize that I do need to go see a therapist again. I used to go regularly but didn't feel it got me anywhere. I'd like to find someone that also specializes in addiction. And yes I am in menopause and have night sweats, hot flashes, all kinds of trouble from it. It's been 3 years now and you'd think that would be done by now, but noooo. So I'm sure that has something to do with my moods too.
So thanks again. This is a great forum. I look forward to reading more posts.
I also hope to find a good al-anon meeting where I can work steps with a sponsor.