Hi,
Wow I haven't been here in a while but I have been to my meetings consistently and working this program (I am proud to say) for 3 years. Before I got into this program, I did a very similar thing you did. I knew my abf was alcoholic and moved in with him anyway. However, I was pregnant with his child and I was given an ultimatum that I didn't like and picked the one I thought was best for me at the time. What caught my eye here on this site was the name of your thread: "I keep thinking everything will work out."
This struck me twofold: Before Al-non and After Al-non thinking
1. Your thread description was my exact thinking too when I moved in with abf BEFORE I was in this program. It was more of a fantasy than a reality. Like a Disney movie with a fairytale ending. Cinderella, Snow White. What these fantasies have in common is there is a damsel in distress or victim and somehow she gets rescued from the villian by a handsome prince. It's all very nice. But the problem is that it's not reality. In other words, wouldn't it be nice if Abf got into recovery and we got married and lived happily ever after? I wish it was that easy. I'm not here to say it could never happen, but the liklihood of it happening so simply? I'd have to say probably not. Save yourself, let HIM save himself.
2. My thinking now and since I've joined Al-Alnon and worked this program that is solely for me and only me (it's not to help fix the A) is "yes everything will definitely work out, but maybe not the way I want it to, or the way I think it should and that's okay." The difference now is that I realize I am not in control of the outcome and that my HP needs to be steering, not me. And it's all worked out just the way it's supposed to. I am right where I need to be at this moment and I trust that my HP will guide me every step of the way going forward. And acceptance of that is the key to my happiness. The pain is in the resistence.
I urge you to attend an Al-Anon meeting even if it's scary, even if you feel uncomfortable and know that you are doing something to build yourself up, not be taken down by a man that is very sick with a disease. He may or may not ever get better but you can take care of YOU from here on out. And you are never alone, HP is always with you.
If you want to live a more peaceful and serene life, you will find what you are seeking in these rooms.
Peace,
Jen