Originally Posted by
somethingsimple 
When I recently found out that my fiance has been using drugs, of course I was devastated but we still had the obvious question and answer session. He told me his use (opiates) was limited to twice a month up to once a week. Of course I didn't believe him so I asked him to submit to a hair drug test (to give a 90 day history) that I sent away and just got the results back today. I was expecting him to have under-estimated the frequency but the results came back all negative. After a lot of back and forth with the company, apparently his use was too low or infrequent to register with the lab analysis.
Now I'm wondering if I overreacted asking him to move out and even asking for his keys so he couldn't get in when I'm not here. I feel like I've been unnecessarily mean to him! Am I crazy?
He's been telling me from the beginning that he suspected I thought he was a lot worse off than he actually is, but how was I supposed to know? He does say that he knows he's deserving everything that's happening to him now (with our relationship, his job on the line, living back with parents, etc) and I want to follow through on the things I've told him.
The main thing is I'm feeling SO much more hopeful about him and about us, and I feel like getting back together and trying to make things work out again. Am I being naive? Did I overreact? What if I let him come home?
Overreacting or not - I respect your strength. So easy to convince ourselves or talk ourselves out of stnding our ground. Keep that strength, its an assett in ll walks of life. That, and you say you 'found out'? So he didn't openly admit or tell you about his opiate use? So then, are you reacting to him being decietful or sneaky or to the actual nature of the snekiness?
As well, it ain't always amount - I knew a couple who used heroin every week for years, never showed any psychological issues, got married and quit to settle down and are still married, clean and doing well. Then, I know plenty of others who used opiates less and psychology ended up, if they weren't before, a lot worse off - losing jobs, losing homes, breaking up etc.
Way I see it, ain't the amount or even the drug, its the person...
Why's he using? Are you comfortable with him using (however much or little)? If he can articulate / identify why he's using and you know for certain where you stand on whether you too can be together and plan a future if he is using etc and you can both be open, honest and trust each other...well, no problem right? Are you both on the same page?
Only my opinion, but if two people in a relationship cant be open and honest and thus establish a solid foundation then whatever y'build will always be unstable.
Kudos to hello-Kitty - I agree wholly and only really seconding what they've said.