I feel like I'm someone who "Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". I suffered a life changing massive stroke in DEC 2009. From DEC 23rd until JAN 8th I was comatose. When I came back into reality I was filled with so much rage from my 40 year marriage with a dry drunk husband. After another two weeks in a rehab hospital I was discharged to my house. This was one of my worst decisions of my life. I suffered immobility problems and have trouble moving around. I begged him on several occasions to take time off from work to help arrange my house so I could maneaver around it in my power chair. He made a comment about my stroke, almost dying, and coming back to life, only by the grace of God, as, "If we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all." He, also, told me concerning my belongings, that "I didn't come into this world with anything, and that I will be going out without anything." He just refused to be there when I really needed him! Forget about the marriage vows "in sickness and in health." I received more care and compassion from my three border collies than him.
The only way I got any attention from him was by me calling his psychriatrist and telling him that my DDH basically wasn't functioning at the house. I guess the psychriatrist finally made some sense to my DDH. He came home from his doctor's appointment at least willing to do somethings. However, by this time I felt like it was a day short, and a dollar short. I have told him I now only what two things from him: get a physical; and to go into therapy.
For the majority of our marriage he actively drank over more than half a gallon of rum each and every night. When he finally quit he went cold turkey without working all the steps in AA. Our marriage has always been about him! His common reponse to decisions we needed to make was "What about me (him)!"
Today, somehow, I mentioned to him again that I still only want the two things: a physical, and for him to go into individual therapy. Once again his response was "What's in it for him!" I responded it was for his own benefit. Later in the afternoon, he told me "if" he goes he wants me to be nicer to him. I'm not sure how I could be any nicer to him than I already am. My DDH acts like a space cadet. I don't feel very safe with him, since he doesn't concentrate while cooking on the stove, and smokes while laying down in bed.
Then to complicate my situation even further add in a 35 year old son and a 19 year old grandson in our house. My son and I generally get along great. I don't know how I would have survived coming back home but for him. He stepped up and became my caregiver; taking care of all my medicines and taking me to all my doctor's appointments. He helps me around the house. Right now he is laying down a wood floor in my living room, and painting the walls. We have a two story house, with all the bedrooms upstairs. It is a hassle for me to use the stairs. I was hoping to make the house ready to sell, but my DDH is against that. I am now concerned my son might be drinking. He's a gamer at night and stays up very late playing. It's during this time that I have noticed a change in his traits.
My grandson has become a handful. He needs to have anger management therapy. My daughter, his mother, completed suicide May 16, 1995. She suffered from schizophrenia. I'm afraid he might have inherited some of her traits. He receives an annuity of $10,000 every six months because of a wrongful death suit settlement.
My plan is to wait until his next annuity check in JAN. I'm hoping to get my hands on this check so I can hold it over his head and force him into getting help. I'm, also, planning on moving out of my house at this time, if only I can hold on until then.
It's just not easy, and, God knows, since I'm supposed to be recuperating from my stroke, I don't need all this stress!
Any helpful suggestions or advice would be appreciated. Pray for me!