Truth is, he is not home much and when he is, he is outside. I find myself so peaceful when he is not here, when he returns it is like a switch goes off and I'm a totally different person. And truthfully I don't like it at all.
Kindeyes, I actually have a goal to remove the resentment in my life too. I know it serves no good purpose. But I have to say, right now, it's really hard for me to let it go. Maybe it is a process that I have to go through - maybe I have to feel this yucky feeling for a while before it will go away. I can't see not feeling resentful towards a person who WILLINGLY chose to have children, who WILLINGLY signed a mortgage, and WILLINGLY committed to everything that we have. I feel so dumped on and he sees none of it...he doesn't get any of it. It is crazy! Drug addiction sucks so bad...the person has no clue of who they have become. Or do they?
And oh, I still have sadness. I pulled out of my driveway this morning crying tears of sadness. Too many emotions for one person at the same time. That is all I can say!
Thanks everyone.