Originally Posted by
angelstory 
My boundary question is outside of the anger one. I was hoping others would share how they came about how they overcame the boundary issue. As far as the anger, bitterness, resentment issue I keep getting into verbal arguments, and want to interfere, question, condemn, that sort of thing when I know its useless...and I'm moving on, so what's the point. I need to find some ways to stop this behavior from myself.
You have two very separate and very legitimate issues you are inquiring about....anger/resentment issues and boundary issues.
Personally, I have found boundaries very difficult as well (my son is the A in my life) for two reasons:
1. When I try to set boundaries, he has an uncanny ability to employ diversionary tactics.
2. When I do set boundaries, he still has a knack for stomping all over them.
3. Trying to reason with an addict is like banging your head against a wall.
Because of these things, I have to resort to drawing a line in the sand so to speak. If it's on the phone, I have to hang up. If it's in the car, I have to stop the car and ask him to get out. If it's in my home, I have to ask him to leave. If it's somewhere else, I have to remove myself. And I have to take one of these actions
calmly and without anger present......not easy.
With regard to anger, your world has been turned inside-out. I think it's ok to say "I'm angry" and acknowledge it. But then it's time to get it out because it is toxic to you. They say that feeling anger and resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It does more damage to me than it does to anyone who is triggering those emotions. I have been using exercise as the means of getting those toxic emotions out of my system. I go out on my eliptical and cry, scream, sob, dance, sing, laugh....I know I look like an idiot doing it but I don't care. It gets it out of me and then I can move about my day in a better frame of mind...without the anger and resentment clouding my judgement.
I currently have a personal goal to remove resentment from my life. I have no room for it. It feels icky to me and it's self imposed. Sometimes we expect someone to do something and when they don't, we resent it. So I've stopped expecting people to do what I think they should do. The resentment stops. I try to identify resentment when it happens and nip it in the bud. I am getting better at realizing when I feel resentment and dealing with it differently than I have in the past. For whatever reason, I think women are somewhat notorious for holding resentment.....and it makes us feel crappy so why do we do that?
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with addiction in your life. It is so very difficult. You are taking steps to get YOUR life on track and that's what is most important. It isn't always an instant result. Sometimes it takes time and planning and you're doing that. Be gentle with yourself.
gentle hugs to you