I can only speak from my own personal experience. I know that for me, the feelings came back over time. It was a slow process. I went through a very very negative phase where I rained on everyones' parade (had to bring them down to my level--misery loves company), where I was sarcastic and rude toward anyone who possessed the slightest bit of happiness (I thought it was all overrated or that they were naive and unable to see the ugly truths of their lives).
I have to say that I was never more unhappy and disgusted with myself as a person during that time.
I think it's easier, sometimes, to hold on to the bitterness, to the anger, to the hurt. In the past, I think I was giving the people in my life "tough love" and "telling it like it was." Looking back, I see that I was just trying to drown out the light in their lives because I THOUGHT it made me feel better about myself.
How I got away from that, I think, happened in small steps with small experiences.
A stranger on the bus offering me his seat when I was 8 months pregnant.
A long-lost friend reappearing and brightening my email in-box.
A stupid animal video that made me chuckle (then later) laugh out loud.
It was gradual, to be certain, and I remember waking up one day and saying to myself, "you know what? It's going to be okay." And I felt it. And that helped push the momentum upwards.
I also started volunteering my time to a few causes that made me feel GOOD about myself. I taught writing to inmates and at-risk juveniles. I became a foster-caretaker for the humane society. There are few people in this world who can spend a few hours a day with a new batch of kittens and think, "wow, the world sucks." I gave for others and that started to help me feel human again.
I gave to my daughter.
I gave to my mother.
I wrote random emails to old friends just telling them I was thinking about them.
I sent random cards.
You will feel again. You will feel
joy again. You will someday grow tired of the resentment and the fear and the bitterness.
Love and light
