Originally Posted by Tally

When I stopped smoking I couldn't go cold turkey, just the thought of it had me in a panic. So I started wearing patches and weaning myself off the ciggies. Allowed myself 5 a day for the first couple of weeks, then 3, then 1 and on my quit day it wasn't so hard anymore. So if that works for you...weaning, then do it. Don't be scared what us lot say or do...remember, take what you like and leave the rest. When people "tell" you what to do (I'm sure I have in the past) it's because we've been there, we can see what a jerk he is and we want you to be free of him and the pain that comes along with him. You don't HAVE to do what anyone says, that doesn't mean we'll stop offering advice and listening though.

When you feel yourself getting sucked back into his drama...maybe take a step back, detach and look at what he is saying or listen to what he is saying KNOWING that it's all manipulation and lies. Remember, watch the actions, don't listen to the words!

When I started doing this...well I felt like laughing my head off every time he opened his gob. My A was extremely manipulative, EXTREMELY! He would have me walking in the rain with my 6 yr old to go and buy his white cider because he felt to ill (hungover). We would go without milk and bread so he could drink. I would borrow money from my family and lie about it so I could pay for his alcohol. I would panic on his behalf if he ran out of alcohol "oh noez wat is he gonna do?!".
I put him up on a pedestal when he should have been in the gutter. I put him before my daughter and I put him before myself and my family and he did not a damn thing to deserve it.

I believed he was sick, I believed I had to help him, cook for him, pay for his things...why? Because he told me I should...he made me feel like I was wonderful for taking care of him...until he didn't. I felt wonderful whilst he was suckering me in and then I just felt awful...and worse and worse and worse and I didn't know why. I NEEDED to fix him, I NEEDED to worry about him because it stopped me looking at my own problems and made me feel superior in a way, I was better than him because he needed me.
I know that it is so sick now but because he wanted to be the centre of attention, he wanted everything to be about him, he wanted to be put first...well he's not gonna be complaining is he? He didn't care that I got sick too. Even after two years dry, he still didn't care that I was sick, he just wanted me to stop moaning to make it easier for HIM.

So when he says things to you to be cruel, he's saying them to make himself feel better. When he says things to you that are nice, he's saying them to pull you back in so he will feel better. Don't ever believe that anything he says is about YOU Kia, it's all about him.

When you stand back and you can actually realise that, you will laugh. Why? Because you will recognise the manipulation for what it is and that will set you on your way to freedom, you will take some of your power back from him and that feels good and you will laugh because he's still trying those same manipulative tactics, only they don't work now, you know better.

You should copy some of his IM's/emails so Naive can translate them for you, lol