What other people think of me...
Is none of my business.
That is one of the most useful comments I've ever gotten out of Alanon.
Recently I sent my aexh an earful by email mostly about the effects of his parenting choices; and got a pretty nasty, holier than thou response... it's all about my issues, not about our child's best interests... I don't know what I'm talking about... he won't dignify my comments with a reply... this is all "true to form" for me.
And I realized... I must have actually struck a nerve!
At one point I would have been pretty crushed... and therefore avoided bringing any of this stuff up. And ya know... it didn't hurt! I'm not fazed anymore! It isn't personal (that's another profound statement: my burden was lightened considerably when I began to understand that whatever hurts me most likely isn't about me at all). It's blameshifting, it's all the standard tactics displayed by those who don't want to look at things that make them uncomfortable. The amount it has to do with me is next to nothing. It doesn't make him a bad person and I'm not tempted to escalate any more. He's ill in his spirit, is likely to remain so, and the best I can do is keep away because it is contagious, in a way.
Anyway, I was kind of wondering if he was getting any better, and I got my answer. Not coincidentally, I have avoided the idea of long term relationships for awhile... for the first time in years I can see the possibility again. It feels pretty dang good.