I don't have any children of my own but I have many friends who do. Some of them have had the rare glass of wine during their pregnancy with no problems. I know that all of my peers had mothers who drank (and some who smoked) during their pregnancies. We all seem healthy enough, although who knows if we would have been healthier without.
I don't think you should quit drinking for your unborn baby...I think you should quit drinking for yourself. You seem to have a serious problem with alcohol (you think about it all the time) and I hope you get the help you need to be a healthy and happy human being.