I hope you do!
I can relate to everything you are saying. I don't know if you ever tried going to an AA meeting before, but I would highly recommend it, if only so you can see how many other people out there have had exactly the same experiences and fears. I was very hesitant to go to my first meeting, but if I knew a week ago what I know now, I would not have been. If you search for "first AA meeting" on Google (this forum won't let me post the link), the first hit provides a lot of useful information on the subject
In-person help also helps break down denial very effectively. I tried to quit drinking with the help of reading and the Internet previously. That didn't get me anywhere! There's a saying, no one is too dumb for AA to help them, but some people are too smart -- that applied to me for years. I always thought I was smarter, healthier in other areas of my life, than anybody who is an "alcoholic" and needs to go to meetings with a buncha drunks. Turns out a lot of alcoholics think that --
-- and the recovering ones *used to* think that.
