Welcome, Bob. Right there with you on the journey.
I have driven drunk and would do so because it was important for me to "prove" I was OK and not really drunk! Boy is that screwed up. I can relate to what you are saying.
The last time I drove drunk, I hit an animal. I am fairly certain that if my reflexes had been sharper, I would have been able to slow down in time. I am a huge animal lover, and this was really upsetting to me. I freaked out and my friend (who was also drunk but could see how much more dangerous my emotional state was making my driving) wound up driving the rest of the way home.
What are you doing to help yourself in recovery?
Good luck to you!