I wonder if I was drinking to cover up another issue.
Yes I drank for almost ten years but I also lived 30 years sober before that so I am fully aware of what it's like to live sober. And this is where I find myself again, sober.
So if I am waiting to suddenly get over drinking what do I do then? I just go back to my old way of life before I drank, right? For almost ten years I drank because I didn't like the way I lived for 30 years sober. What would make me want to face that again?
I don't expect you to answer anything really for I am just thinking in questions out loud. I also didn't have the greatest day today so I'm trying to let it out.
I guess I miss the fact that I could artificially induce a happy time with alcohol anytime i desired. Now when I get depressed I can't use that drug to pull me out. I have to face it and let it go with time.
It kinda sucks. Oh well.