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I wonder if I was drinking to cover up another issue.



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I wonder if I was drinking to cover up another issue.

Old 10-03-2010, 04:23 PM
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I wonder if I was drinking to cover up another issue.

Yes I drank for almost ten years but I also lived 30 years sober before that so I am fully aware of what it's like to live sober. And this is where I find myself again, sober.

So if I am waiting to suddenly get over drinking what do I do then? I just go back to my old way of life before I drank, right? For almost ten years I drank because I didn't like the way I lived for 30 years sober. What would make me want to face that again?

I don't expect you to answer anything really for I am just thinking in questions out loud. I also didn't have the greatest day today so I'm trying to let it out.

I guess I miss the fact that I could artificially induce a happy time with alcohol anytime i desired. Now when I get depressed I can't use that drug to pull me out. I have to face it and let it go with time.

It kinda sucks. Oh well.
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Old 10-03-2010, 04:45 PM
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Whew, Tool, I guess the first thing is to figure out why you didn't like the 30 years you lived sober? (yeah, I'm stating the obvious) And why did alcohol help to fix (mend?) that? Then you can go on to the next step in life.
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Old 10-03-2010, 05:34 PM
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Tool, perhaps the operative word is "sober" and I'd debate whether you're using it correctly.

Sober = of sound mind and judgment (at least that's how it was defined when the AA book was written). I'd question who WOULDN'T want to be of sound mind and judgment.

Back to your story though, if your time away from alcohol was miserable.....or at least "not fun," then of course you went back to drinking. Heck, I honestly have to say I'm TRULY impressed you went that darn long! Almost makes me wonder if it was really "that" bad.......or if it was as bad as you remember it now *(our perceptions DO change over time).

Anyway.... I was told this in early sobriety and I believe it to be absolutely true today: IF you're not able to find a way to be alcohol free AND happy......your "sobriety" will be short lived. I may not have anything like the life I WANT right now: I don't have the car I want, the house I want the money I want, the this, that or other that I want........but thanks to the program of AA I'm absolutely able to be happy for most of every day.

If recovery was simply my "usual" life minus the alcohol.....I promise......I'd bring alcohol back into my life darn quickly (or some recreational drugs.....or something). For an alcoholic, the problem isn't the booze - it's not the alcohol.......it's their alcoholism..... and alcoholism is not fully treated by just not ingesting alcohol. Sure, no booze is a prerequisite, but that's just the start. Without some tools, without a new outlook on life, without a new way to live......I'm just the "old me - not drinking" and believe me, I know, "me not drinking" isn't long for this world.

You don't have to live that way if you don't want to but you're welcome to if you do. I figured if I was going to quit drinking I might as well go for the whole enchilada too. That same deal is available to you as well. Please take it.
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Old 10-03-2010, 05:48 PM
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Daytrader,

I think I know what you mean. I feel like I am in the same kettle that used to boil me in alcohol and now i sit in the empty kettle still with nothing around me at all.

By the way, the 30 years was from birth up to 30 where I drank responsibly and occasionally. At 30 to almost 40 I abused it tremendously.
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Old 10-03-2010, 05:50 PM
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Tooling,

If I'm not mistaken, you mean that you lived the first 30 years of your life without a drinking problem, then you developed one that lasted for 10 years. That's what I gathered from your previous posts.

My own drinking (except for a short time in college) was pretty sane up until my first divorce, at age 40, when I hooked up with another alcoholic--I drank daily for a year or so, stopped entirely for a couple of years, only to start again when I was in my mid-40s. I drank alcoholically for about ten years. I think I started drinking because I liked it, and because I could. I also think I liked it, in part, because it enabled me to avoid discomfort--I never learned to deal well with certain aspects of life.

I don't think it's necessary to figure out the "reasons" for drinking in order to quit drinking. A program like AA, though, will address those reasons so I don't have to go back to it.
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Old 10-03-2010, 05:51 PM
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I'm reading your statement to mean that you didn't begin to drink beforwe you were 30 years old and that now you have been drinking and are 40...let me know if I am wrong. And you are saying you were not happy before you began to drink...which is part of the reason you starters drinking. I don't think you should go back to wherever you were emotionally before you drank..but instead embrace a new you who isnneither your old pre-drinking self nor your drinking self. If you aren't sure who that person is maybe find someone to help you figure it out. I have a life coach for that reason...I have made huge strides forward. Because of her help And my sobriety.
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Old 10-03-2010, 06:22 PM
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Originally Posted by tooling View Post

By the way, the 30 years was from birth up to 30 where I drank responsibly and occasionally. At 30 to almost 40 I abused it tremendously.
Doesn't that blo? lol. I was the same way. Drinking was cool.....occasionally it was bad.......but I still had some control (vs. NO control at the end) up until my mid to late 20's. From then on.....alcohol called the shots. I was done when it was done with me, more often than not.

Like you said though, that stuff in my head didn't all just go away when I quit drinking. It was still there.....and that was the stuff I drank away for 10 years. Those "issues" were still there. Now make no mistake, those issues didn't "make me" alcoholic......but they certainly made it seem like the lesser evil for a long time.
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Old 10-03-2010, 06:35 PM
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I know I could get all into the underlying reasons why I drank...I've thought about it, but at the end of the day al of that stuff is in the psst...I only control the present and to a certain degree the future....navel gazing doesn't help me.
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Old 10-03-2010, 06:37 PM
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"When a heavy drinker stops drinking, his problems disappear, when an alcoholic stops drinking his problems become apparent"

Thing is, I get to the root of all my problems, I'm still an alcoholic.

A well adjusted alcoholic, but still an alcoholic.

My alcoholism turned out to be merely a symptom of all of those underlying problems.
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Old 10-03-2010, 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by sailorjohn View Post
My alcoholism turned out to be merely a symptom of all of those underlying problems.
I think you may mean that your consumption of alcohol was merely a symptom of an underlying problem - alcoholism.

Alcoholism - the 3-parts (spiritual, mental and physical) are the root of all those other "issues" in our lives. Fix an issue but don't treat the physical/spiritual/mental problem (don't treat the alcoholism) and a new issue will pop up to take it's place. The "problems" in our lives are the manifestation of alcoholism. Alcoholics treat the problems with excessive drinking.... but the problems are not the source. AlcoholISM is the source.

So sure, we drank over the issues........but we drank when there were NO issues.......lots of issues........big issues.....small issues.....etc. We drank because we are alcoholics suffering from alcoholism. I'm still an alcoholic, but I don't suffer under alcoholism any longer.
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