Hi skipper. I used to go to AA as I also went to an Alanon and it was no longer used for that.
I was lucky in that I could hear all their stories from the alkie's perspective. What I took from them, was that it took several loss and drama with girllfrieds, wives, loss of work and rights towards their children, car accidents, etc, for them to even start considering something might be wrong with them.
This helped me put my short relationship with an alkie in perspective. No, I was not going to change him, his alkie career has a long way to go, and no one guarantees he might ever finds recovery.
This helped me let go .. to sense the dimension of it ...
Also, to hear recovering alkies that mentioned how they treated their partners, how said partners never deserved their hurtful comments and actions, how they are glad they left and didn't stay for more of their BS while active.
It also helped me to talk 1 on 1 to a few of them, and hear FROM THEM that I took the best decision, and acknowledge/accept what I lived, and state this is progressive and real and was never part of my imagination.
The thing is to keep looking for what works and what doesn't, we all have our own battles you know. Its as if I come here and say "today I did not obsess over XABF!" to someone else may be a stupid thing, but given my own story it would be a wonderful achievement.
Perhaps it was also that I mourned for weeks and weeks before even going to that group, so my goal was only to know I did not imagine stuff,and they helped me to remember the reality and the sadness of it, and how lucky I was to get out without much harm.
Keep moving forward!