Thank you for all your kind words and guidance for my last post "I Feel Lost". I went to the Al-Anon meeting Friday night as I said I would. Only, it wasn't Al-Anon. The Al-Anon website had a calendar for this location and time, but once I arrived, I found that the Al-Anon group had disbanded due to lack of interest. There was an Open AA meeting, and the members invited me to join in.
I learned some things. Mostly, though, I realized that I have a lot of resentment.
I have been to many Open AA meetings and Al-Anon meetings in my life as a child of an alcoholic.
I sat there listening to these sober drunks pouring out their hearts, and I thought, "Look at them, so full of themselves, even still".
I thought their senses of humor were twisted and sick. They laughed at the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.
I thought of my father, who is now the perfect Dry Drunk, and flies off to attend meetings, his new addiction, at the drop of a hat, avoiding real life. I thought about my RABF who is not in recovery, but who has not had a drink now for 4 days. I thought of how my RABF would have fit in just fine with these folks. I thought about the fact that I was even AT one of these meetings on a Friday night, when I should be enjoying my time with my little boy.
I feel resentment. I'm tired of my life being so affected by alcohol, even when no one's drinking!
I got a few leads on some real Al-anon meetings around town and will try again. I found out I don't want to be in a roomful of drunks, even recovering ones.
