Welcome to SoberRecovery, cyta!
So glad you stumbled upon us over in this corner of the internet. You will find much encouragement, and also read of other people's experience, and of their advice. We all have a slightly different take on things, and you get to choose which to follow.
It is incredibly painful living with someone who is no longer the loving, talented person we once knew. When they turn on us, it is tempting to internalize.
Let me ask you, if you saw an adult shame and punish a child for bumping over the glass of milk, would you think for one instant that the child was bad, or even really did something wrong? Of course, in this example, we know that the adult is out of whack.
When someone is abusive, their behavior is ALWAYS about what's going on inside of THEM, not the person they're dumping on.
Please don't take on his blame. It is simply not the correct placement of what's going on inside of him.