My question is how can someone who has a drink problem be so focused on moving on so quickly , causing me pain but can't focus on the real problem ...
I have been in similar situations with past alcoholic and addicted BFs (if you want to call them that, I mean, they never were much of a BF). These men do the BARE MINIMUM when it comes to maintaining a household and having a relationship.
It is difficult, and hurts, to think and feel about them with love and affection, while they act cold, cruel, and uncaring toward me. The way I understand it is that (1) their main focus is getting the alcohol and continuing to drink it. The relationship is just a means to an end. Anything that gets in the way of the drinking and/or drugging is just a nuisance to them. They have used me in order to have a place to stay, food on the table, and comfort. And I gave those things freely, wanting and expecting something in return.
Whatever they need to do to just barely survive is what they will do. Here I was TRYING to have a relationship with this person, while HE is operating in some other universe. He lives in an alternate reality. To me, what you are asking is everything to do with your PERCEPTION of the situation and nothing really to do with his feelings. You have a different perception of this relationship than he does.
And (2) they become accustomed to the scenario where: He messes up and I lose my head and react. They always have the upperhand, because they know that leaving will cause me to react emotionally and be all fearful and crying and then actually BEG them to come back. Because they know I think I NEED them. It is a game.
For me, letting them go and adjusting my beliefs about what I need in a relationship with a man was the best thing I could do. They just moved on to the next sucker who would play the game with them.
(((hugs))) be well. take care of yourself.