Hey Littlestar,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you found us.
What you described is pretty typical of the Jekyll and Hyde behavior of an alcoholic. Great, wonderful and sweet when sober...nasty, miserable and verbally abusive when drunk. It's very hard to love someone who is unpredicatable.
I can't tell you what to do, you need to make your own choices.
I hope that you make those choices based on what's best for you.
Stick around, there are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through.
Gabe