wow i just read this whole thread.
i can see why this would strike a nerve with some people.
whenever i describe my situation to someone ((bout to have a baby in less than a month and the father refuses to get clean)) most have these things to say:
"dear! i am so sorry you're going through that! it must be awful for you!"
"raising a baby by yourself isn't easy. you're a strong person."
"good for you for keeping your baby out of harms way."
and things like that.
i think a lot of people don't want to talk about him because they're afraid of offending me. but, honestly, i don't think i WOULD be offended by anything they'd say about him.
instead of going with me to my appointments to hear our son's heart beat, and know that he is doing well, he chooses drugs.
instead of being able to feel our son kick in my belly, and watch him grow every day, he chooses drugs.
instead of being there to watch our son come into this world, he's choosing drugs.
instead of helping to create a stable, safe environment for our son, and make sure he has things he needs, he's choosing drugs.
so while he is living his life, numb to everything, i am going to do all these things without him (with the support and love of my family)
it's my responsibility as a mother. it's my responsibility to myself.
but then again, i don't have a "disease" that "makes" me want to throw all that away.
i don't know if i quite believe that it is a disease, or that it is genetic.
seems to me it's all about choices.
i've made mine, he's made his. mine happen to be in the best interests of my son and myself.
his happen to be in the best interest of...wanting to be messed up all the time?
you know, i used to smoke pot, every day. for 4 years. i smoked cigarettes for 5. i quit, because i became pregnant. to me, my son's health and well being was way more important than me feeling good.
many, many times i have had cravings to smoke. and every time i told myself, "it's not worth it." and then i distracted myself with a book or a movie, and guess what, in like 5 minutes, the craving was gone.
in the home i was raised in, my mom was an alcoholic for 20 years. (a quiet one, i did not even know until i was about 15) she has been sober for 3 years in november. she never went to any meetings. no programs. no steps. to her, her one and only tool is her will power.
she tells me, "everytime i think about drinking, i think about the last 20 years of my life and the negative effect it had on my family and myself. that is enough to not drink again, ever."
like i said, it's all about choices.
those that continue to make harmful choices at the expense of themselves and those they love, i think that does say something about their values, their morals, and their sense of responsibility for their actions.
(JMHO)