Dealing with the Stigma attached to Addiction

Old 09-23-2010, 11:06 AM
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Another thing I find interesting is that relapse rates for addicts and diabetics are about the same. Behavior modification is a beach.
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Old 09-23-2010, 11:08 AM
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I have no answers to this issue - I just have an experience to share . . .

One day visiting with some of my closest friends - a guy (who is a recovering A and truly a spiritual person) said a group of "crack whores"
and I said "May I interupt you and ask you to please call them something else? Addicts, women, qualifiers, even druggies, but please don't call them 'crack whores'."
He said "I apologize I didn't mean to offend anyone just a term they even use, I won't use it. but can I ask what about the name offends you so much?"

I said "I look at those ladies and I see somewhere in there a little girl - not to different than my girls. Not to different that my daughter. I know the disease took her to that place but I will always remember her as my sweet daughter, probably just as someone probably remembers some of those girls as a sweet innocent child. not just as a crack *****. It breaks my heart to know that for quite a while someone called my beautiful, smart, funny, talented daughter that - it probably breaks another mother's heart too."

He said "You know I never thought about it that way. I would hate to have a daughter, even if she was an addict to be called a crack *****. It would hurt my heart too."

Sometimes people just need healthy compassion on a personal level.

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Old 09-23-2010, 11:09 AM
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I work with people who suffer from Parkinson's disease, Cancer, MS, crippling dystonia, Lou Gherrigs disease... there's a lot of bad stuff out there - things that are even worse than drug addiction. I have worked with children who have been horribly abused by drug addicts and non-drug addicts as well. I have a friend whos child was born without an ear or a chin and his kidneys are failing. He's 2. And my 13 year old nephew is dying from severe juvenile diabetes.

For most of these diseases there is no cure, no remission, no possibility of anything but chronic slow painful death. There is less hope for them to recover than there is for drug addicts to recover.

The patients I work with did not disobey ALL WARNINGS and COMMON KNOWLEDGE about the fact that illegal drugs are bad for them. They did not actively search out their disease. They are desperate for help.

I don't worry too much about other people's opinions. I just try to make a difference however I can. I have no time for martyrs or for people who don't want help. In the end, drug addiction is a disease of choice. There are only so many resources to go around to help cure the problems in the world. And there are too many people out there who are innocent victims, and actual need help AND want help.

Oh. And did I mention I'm a recovering crack addict?
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Old 09-23-2010, 12:01 PM
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I just moved to the town of my choice. I mean I really got to say "Where in the world do I want to live?" Not saying I had unlimited finances...but, still..what an opportunity!

I read in the local newspaper this week about how the town was up at arms to keep a substance abuse treatment center out of the town. They can't legally do it, but they wish they could and they are using every loophole they can to get it to locate somewhere else.
This is a small town.

My first reaction was that this was an ignorant reaction.

Today I feel differently.
Would I choose to live next door to a treatment center?
No freaking way!

I was in the hospital back in June for a mental illness...boy, does that carry stigma!...I wasn't there by choice after the first 24 hours. I got to spend 6 days with other people on the locked ward.
There was not one addict on that ward that wanted off their drugs. Not one.
There WERE people slipping their drugs into their pockets instead of taking them and then selling them or trading them for favors.
There was a lot of laughter about getting high and partying.

There was one recovered (from drugs) person there. She was also admitted due to mental illness.

Now, what if they wanted to move a mental health clinic next door?
No! I would not want that either.
But I did like living 4 blocks from one....the only thing I liked about that town in Oklahoma I moved from.

I am so ambivalent about this.

I really appreciate the verse Anvil posted. I think of that alot and I had wondered what verse it was for a period of time now. Thank you.

I do pick up my feet and move away from addicts in a way I do not do with any other people.
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Old 09-23-2010, 12:12 PM
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I'm confused. Yes, I understand that there are people out there who stereotype and most know that it is wrong. But.... I'm wondering how the stigma attached to addiction is any different than that which is attached to any other mental illness?

I'll pose the rhetorical question; how often do we hear that people with serious mental issues are called "nuts" "psycho" "crazy" "******" or any other insulting, demoralizing, pejorative term?
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Old 09-23-2010, 12:22 PM
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There is a little girl at my son's school. She's real little. She'll never grow taller. She suffers from a form of dwarfism in which she has tiny legs and arms, but her trunk is full size. She'll never be taller than 3 1/2 feet tall. Does that make her any less a person? Right now the school is desperately trying to educate the kids to stop staring and treat her like a normal 2nd grader. Not a baby. Not a freak. The kids struggle with this. And unfortunately, so do many adults.

It's a huge stigma for her and it's traumatizing. And she has no choice or hope of changing the situation ever. But I bet she'd like to.
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:46 PM
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There is much assumption that drug addiction is about seeking illegal drugs on the street. To be truly educated about addiction is to know that it occurs to people that are medically prescribed the stuff for those "real" diseases and ailments. To open one's eyes to see that addiction can happen to anybody and it's not a moral failure.

I don't see much hope if I try to guilt someone with an acquired disease over a genetic born disease that they should be treated lesser person for having gone thru addiction and recovered. In other words those people born with problems are more valued than those of us that got the disease later in life maybe by following our doctors orders.

I am not trying to excuse a person that has been offered help over and over and over and refuses to try. But there is some evidence out there that the disease of alcohol and addiction is a genetic one and I really want to save every person that has this affliction and value them. I really am addressing more the recovered restored to sanity addict. Not that help should not be given by society to help those that are still insane.

More education is needed.
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Old 09-23-2010, 03:46 PM
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I don't see much hope if I try to guilt someone with an acquired disease over a genetic born disease that they should be treated lesser person for having gone thru addiction and recovered.
I think you are referring to my post since you quote my words. I apologize if my post hurt your feelings or if you took it personally. I wasn't trying to guilt anyone or make anyone feel less valued. I'm sharing my perspective based on my personal experience.

Lots of people live with stigma and disease. I cry for my patients who would do anything to get better but there is no hope. I don't cry for my son's father (anymore) because he has been given every opportunity to get better, but chooses not too.
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Old 09-24-2010, 04:39 PM
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The last thing I wanted to do with this thread was to create an "US versus THEM" mentality about who should get help, what diseases are higher on the priority list, what some (not all) addicts do to screw the system.

I, for one, don't appreciate the spontaneous pissing contest that has appeared in a thread I created, but what can I do? It's a public forum.

What I can appreciate is the person who says, "yeah, I've been there, here's how I deal with it."

So, for those who offered some graceful, kind-hearted comments, thank you.

To the rest, love to you. Maybe you need a bit extra.
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:22 PM
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It stinks when a thread goes sideways and it wan't your intention. Has happened to me too.
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Old 09-25-2010, 02:43 AM
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i started reading this thread when it first posted earlier this week but i didn't have time to respond - i came back last night and read through some of the posts - i was forming my thoughts as i came to mspinkacres post and i felt she had answered for me - my son didn't get up one morning and say - hey today i think i will become a drug addict - my sweet, loving, compassionate, giving, smart, and kind son made a really, really bad choice and he is paying for it dearly - i had a close friend repeatedly call him a methhead - it would tear my heart out - no matter what he is still my son - calling him a derogatory term is not kind - someone on here i can't remember who right now has this quote as their signature - love the addict -hate the disease - it seems it is hard for most people to keep that separation
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Old 09-25-2010, 02:56 AM
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zombiewife - i really appreciate you starting this thread - it certainly did give me an opportunity to hear how others have experience this stigma and to share my feelings - it is a concern and should be discussed - i have dealt with the stigma that people assign to the handicapped most of my life - my brother dove into a creek when he was 14 - i was 11 - he broke his neck and has been in a wheelchair as a quadrapeligic since - and that was in the 60's, way before christopher reeves so you can imagine - even today there are still people who stare, treat him as though he is incapable of speech or making a rational decision,etc... - all i can say is - so much ignorance, so little time
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Old 09-25-2010, 04:44 AM
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Very good thread with lots of thought-provoking input. Indeed, it can be very difficult and painful to stand by and watch others suffer from (any) illness with little or no hope for help or recovery.

Regarding the stigma associated with mental illness and substance abuse: For me, over time, the stigma has faded through learning, taking positive steps, and then really accepting that mental illness and substance abuse exist in my family. Truly, these illnesses are widespread (at least in and around the city where I live) and ostracizing and criticizing those affected is not constructive and won't make the illnesses go away.

For those that judge, I think back to my childhood and the words of an adult mentor, "When you point your finger at someone, there are four pointing back at you."
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Old 09-25-2010, 05:40 AM
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addiction is a disease. we can't help we have that disease.

so if it's such a compassionate disease why do our family members/significant others/friends, spend as much time in support groups learning how to get away from us, as we spend the time and continue on the road of self destruction?

Is not caring about anyone and what we do to them or how we affect others a disease?

I think for our self preservation it is better to remove ourselves from those that keep on blowing themselves up and everyone with them.

I was on both sides. Being the selfish alcoholic and also being abused by one. I understand both points of view. Neither are easy but recovery is about wanting it. When and if we get to the point of wanting it, it takes "Actual" effort on our part or risk losing everything.
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Old 09-25-2010, 06:12 AM
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Yeah, Kiki....

I have to agree.
I have known enough addicts and read enough in Newcomer's to state that I do not want that substance abuse treatment center in my neighborhood.

That may sound cold.
But I choose to keep those that I love at a distance so...
it stands to reason.

There are reasons we distance ourselves.
The facts show that there is alot of crime and etc associated with drug abuse.

Why would I want to be anywhere near that?

I don't.

I found the entire thread to be enlightening.
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Old 09-25-2010, 06:35 AM
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I see a lot of denial in this thread..which isn't surprising. Addiction and alcoholism is brutal, it's tragic, and it destroys people and families despite a massive support system.

I can certainly understand the knee jerk reaction of "we need to throw more money and more more more at it". But that feeling flies in the face of the fact that no addict and no alcoholic ever gets sober until they are ready to do it for themselves.

Where does compassion become enabling? Does ignoring the very real facts about addiction and alcoholism (crime, violence, abuse and neglect) enable that very behavior? I believe it does.
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Old 09-25-2010, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Still Waters View Post
Where does compassion become enabling? Does ignoring the very real facts about addiction and alcoholism (crime, violence, abuse and neglect) enable that very behavior? I believe it does.
I found forgiveness and compassion the very instant I detached myself from others issues, and stopped taking them personally. Compassion does not mean ignoring, it means acceptance, at least to me. I wasn't compassionate when I enabled and did the codie dance, I discovered I was scared and bitter over what I allowed.
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Old 09-25-2010, 09:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Still Waters View Post
I see a lot of denial in this thread..which isn't surprising. Addiction and alcoholism is brutal, it's tragic, and it destroys people and families despite a massive support system.

I can certainly understand the knee jerk reaction of "we need to throw more money and more more more at it". But that feeling flies in the face of the fact that no addict and no alcoholic ever gets sober until they are ready to do it for themselves.

Where does compassion become enabling? Does ignoring the very real facts about addiction and alcoholism (crime, violence, abuse and neglect) enable that very behavior? I believe it does.
Funny, I don't see denial here, and I honestly don't appreciate you trying to lump everyone into some kind of negative generalization. I think most of us understand perfectly well that an addict must come to terms on their own, must choose to get better. I certainly do, yet you assume I don't. Your responses are suggesting that many folks here are simply "too stupid to get it." Not really what I want from a support board.

I started this thread in hopes of garnering support against what I honestly feel is a narrow and cruel stigma. Sometimes, it beats you down.

We get it. Trust me. We get that addicts have to come to things on their own and we get that we must detach, follow our "3 C's to a tee." But, does that make the foul attitude of a certain few any less harmful at times to our own recovery.

Stop making assumptions here. Nobody is ignoring the facts.
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Old 09-28-2010, 04:56 PM
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wow i just read this whole thread.
i can see why this would strike a nerve with some people.
whenever i describe my situation to someone ((bout to have a baby in less than a month and the father refuses to get clean)) most have these things to say:
"dear! i am so sorry you're going through that! it must be awful for you!"
"raising a baby by yourself isn't easy. you're a strong person."
"good for you for keeping your baby out of harms way."
and things like that.
i think a lot of people don't want to talk about him because they're afraid of offending me. but, honestly, i don't think i WOULD be offended by anything they'd say about him.
instead of going with me to my appointments to hear our son's heart beat, and know that he is doing well, he chooses drugs.
instead of being able to feel our son kick in my belly, and watch him grow every day, he chooses drugs.
instead of being there to watch our son come into this world, he's choosing drugs.
instead of helping to create a stable, safe environment for our son, and make sure he has things he needs, he's choosing drugs.
so while he is living his life, numb to everything, i am going to do all these things without him (with the support and love of my family)
it's my responsibility as a mother. it's my responsibility to myself.
but then again, i don't have a "disease" that "makes" me want to throw all that away.

i don't know if i quite believe that it is a disease, or that it is genetic.
seems to me it's all about choices.
i've made mine, he's made his. mine happen to be in the best interests of my son and myself.
his happen to be in the best interest of...wanting to be messed up all the time?
you know, i used to smoke pot, every day. for 4 years. i smoked cigarettes for 5. i quit, because i became pregnant. to me, my son's health and well being was way more important than me feeling good.
many, many times i have had cravings to smoke. and every time i told myself, "it's not worth it." and then i distracted myself with a book or a movie, and guess what, in like 5 minutes, the craving was gone.
in the home i was raised in, my mom was an alcoholic for 20 years. (a quiet one, i did not even know until i was about 15) she has been sober for 3 years in november. she never went to any meetings. no programs. no steps. to her, her one and only tool is her will power.
she tells me, "everytime i think about drinking, i think about the last 20 years of my life and the negative effect it had on my family and myself. that is enough to not drink again, ever."
like i said, it's all about choices.
those that continue to make harmful choices at the expense of themselves and those they love, i think that does say something about their values, their morals, and their sense of responsibility for their actions.
(JMHO)
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