Aaarrrgghhh!!!
ok, this is the week i figured i would get to see what direction she is going. i wish just once this was a black or white outcome. but again, i am pulled in two directions. BUT- forum friends, do not get too disappointed in me as the other direction has a good strong grip and is tugging harder.
she had a meeting to day at 10am with a place that is able to work at getting her into detox and rehab. the rehab is in a great part of manhattan and she seemed thrilled at the idea of it. i took her to the city at 9am. i did not want to hold her hand to the door and give her the chance to at least get there on her own.
the lady she was meeting with just called me. my gf got there at 10:10, but the lady she was meeting didn't get there until 10:20. at that point my gf said she was going across the street to the store. she did not return.
so i get it. maybe she really doesn't want the help. but then why would she be showing up there sometimes. so i play in my head- what could have happened?
1. she bugged out and impulse to get high took over and she just split.
2. the same as 1 but with this caveat: ironically across the street from the place that provides help is one of the drug sets she uses. some of the women on the street there give her trouble. maybe she went to get high and planned to go back but something happened. unlikely, but possible.
in a way i wish i stayed with her until the lady showed up, but in another way i am glad i let her on her own to see what would happen. i fear that i will believe any excuse and then hope for the next time. i also fear that she'll feel ashamed and disappear again. and i also fear that i am having too hard of a time letting this go.