Kjell,
I understand your fear, but it is what it is. Let me tell you, I went through the fire last week. I had moments of fear, but when I felt it coming in, I gave it to God. Yes, at times, i took it back. Why do I do that???? But I kept trying, kept giving it over, kept surrendering.
You cannot undo what you did that night. It is done. All you can do is move forward. You can let the court know what you have been doing, that you have stayed sober, that you don't drink now, and never will again. Admit you are an alcoholic, but have been seeking help. Better than denial.
Live in the light, and you will be okay, no matter what you face. At this time, at this moment, you will face the problem, you will get through it, and you will come out on the other end stronger.
My prayers are with you.
amy