Hey man. Thanks for sharing. My night went similar when I lost my driving license after crashing my car drunk after a brief few hours nailing booze all alone. The mad impulsive thoughts I totally relate to. It was a total calamity and I'm lucky I didn't kill myself or anybody else.
I got home after a night in the cells and couldn't get in the house or remember where the car was or who had taken it out of the ditch. It was a nightmare. I nailed the 4 cans of super strength that were waiting in the fridge when I finally got home after many confused super stressful hours. I vowed to quit drinking but was drinking heavier than ever 5 days later again.
Thankfully I lost my license for 2 years so was kept off the road. I didn't view it like that at the time though, far from it and I was resentful at the police and the courts. I drank heavier and heavier and went down lower and lower over the next 18 months. Since I got my license back and had a car I've been sober so I don't have to worry about that nightmare happening again.
Would I drink drive again if I ever drank again? Of course I probably would, I don't even remember my name when I drink and am in blackout let alone that I shouldn't get in the car to go and score some Coke. This is further reason for me as to why drinking is just never worth it for me, one drink for me could easily cost me my life. Like yourself i feel like a totallly different person now to that kid who crashed his car all that time ago.
Thanks for sharing man, all the best mate.
peace