one_last_drunk_=_now_court_date_looms_large
Back on October 31, 2009, after a few weeks of not drinking, which was my longest stint at that time, I snuck a few “innocent” drinks home alone.
The next few hours was like a camera. I can only remember “snapshots” of the night.
I’m home alone. Yes, I know I shouldn’t drink, but it’ll be different this time. Why can’t I be like other people? Oh! My sister has vodka in her closet. Just one night. Just one more night. This one drink will make it all better. I’ll really try tomorrow…
Oh I haven’t called so-and-so in a while. Ring…call…talk…laugh, talk more…
Guzzle. Chug. Hide.
I’m out of booze…I’ll drive…just this one time (again).
Whoa! I’m at my friends house. Why doesn’t he want me here? Why is he asking if I’m going to keep drinking? Yes, I had 30 days sober…let’s not talk about that – let’s party!!!
Sip. Stumble. Leave.
Bartender isn’t happy I’m here. Do I owe her money?
Chug. Don’t pay. Dip.
Oh I think I can score some coke at the strip club. It’s far away…key goes into the ignition, ran hits the windshield. I turn the volume up.
Crash. Numb. Rain. Horror. Disbelief... Breath here. Say your name here. Turn around…I’m going to put these hand cuffs on you. Long rides, in and out of consciences…I’m pretty sure I went to two or three jails that night, sleeping on concrete and walking up to an absolute hell.
I drank (again), drove (again), then wrecked (again). …but this time, I wrecked into another car and not a tree. I was told by my insurance company they claimed injuries, but that no one was seriously injured.
This, so far, is my bottom (meaning the lowest I’ve been). I don’t mean this is all I’ve done to get my here…no no…I’ve got a long list of that (some much worse than this), but this was what made me finally realize I’m sick and I’m hopeless.
Since that time I got a new sponsor and became willing to actually work the steps in AA. I’m now close to 9 months sober, on step 9, and really working for my sobriety. I feel like a completely different person. I don’t know who that person was on that fateful October night, but it wasn’t who I am now.
My court date is coming up in a few weeks. 2nd dui in 5 years. I’m in trouble. I’m VERY, VERY fearful.
Kjell