The purest for of love, in my opinion, is agape.
Agape - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I have found that once I detached, with love, from my husband that I was able to achieve a much healthier kind of love for him. We are both working on recovery at the moment, while separated.
I also firmly believe that person cannot give a healthy love to another unless they first love themself. Jesus said words to that effect somewhere.