Originally Posted by bookwyrm

I think the labels 'codependent' and 'Alcoholic' really helped me at first. My marriage was breaking down rapidly, XAH was blaming me for everything and I had no self esteem or self belief. Reading up on both these labels helped me realise that while I do have some responsibility for what was happening, it wasn't all my fault! Learning I was codependent meant I had something concrete to work on - me! I had a set of characteristics/behaviours to watch out for and try to change. I also found I wasn't alone in this, this wasn't just happening to me - it was a recognised 'condition'. It gave me hope and structure in my recovery - and it was 'recovery' for me. I recovered myself.

I'm further down the road now. I still have bits of old codependent behaviours sneak up on me when I least expect it (particularly at work - but that's a whole other thread...or six) but I don't think I am an active codependent any more. I'm still not finished trying to work out who I am, what do I want from life and what will make it worthwhile for me. Recovery was the ER visit after trauma and my continued recovery (refining? development?) is the post operative recuperation and further elective surgery. It isn't really recovery any more though but I'm not sure what to call it. Its more life affirming than life saving now.

I didn't and don't find the labels restrictive. They serve a purpose that was good for me. Not having them would have made my journey that much more difficult.

I feel like I'm having a hard time this morning trying to articulate what I mean so I'll leave it there...