I am sad for him, seeing him today at his last stages of alcoholism, is a very sad thing to witness.
Yes, the end is a very sad thing to witness. I feel sad for him, too, and for all the people suffering from addiction. I also feel sad for the loved ones left behind who must deal with a combination of grief and guilt. But mostly I feel sad for me when I read threads like these because I realize now that I didn't have to take a front row seat to my boyfriend's unraveling and that self-preservation was a healthy choice and one I needn't have suffered guilt over.
It's ok to feel sadness. Watching anyone suffer no matter what the reason breaks my heart. It's human to feel sad. I also believe it's human to want to help--even when it's beyond my power to do so.
On days when those last bits of guilt rise to the top, I don't try and push them away any more. I feel them and remember that I tried everything in my power to help my boyfriend.
I was not lacking in love, empathy, or compassion. I simply lacked the power. Hugs to you MamboQueen, from a woman who's walked in your shoes and and knows how painful it is.