Hi traj and wellcome.
Sorry to hear you're feeling this way, but glad you have found this place, as it has so much to offer to all of us who are struggling with our loved one's addictions.
I have learned the best way to deal with that situation is to learn as much as possible about the nature of the disease and things you can do for yourself and your kids to make your lives better.
I advise you to stick around, post and read.
read the stickies at the top of the forum, there is a great wisdom in them.
Also, when you feel more ready, maybe you can tell us more about your story, so we can try helping you.
You're among friends here, and we understand
Take care