Steve,
I fear that you still may see detaching as a way to get her to do what you'd like her to do. There is no right or wrong way to detach, it just...is.
And detaching isn't a way to get the results that you want.
We detach emotionally and often physically to prevent their actions from ruining our lives. I've had to physically remove myself from my sons behaviors. I couldn't stand by and watch him destroy his life and I never really mastered the emotional detachment with him being around.
Its rather simple in its concept...if you don't want to "see" it or "know" of it first hand, then remove yourself from the situation.
The choice is yours.