next phase, questions 1-4
these questions will concern her. i know i feel something changing for the positive inside me. i am seeing and thinking more clearly- almost overnight. i have done a couple of things i havent done in a while, and while it was done only half-heartedly it was a positive step- for me.
i can look back and say that i did not handle things properly, but i can also say i handled them the only way i knew how.
i understand i should not be concerned with what she is thinking right now, but i am still in a nascant stages of this and am not completely detached emotionally and i still have these thoughts to tackle:
the last time i saw her, we set a time to meet, but she did not show. i am not taking that personally, but it was an action that has allowed me to step back
1. do i try to find her to tell her i need to detach. i know that seems contadictory to detaching, but i dont wantto just passivley disappear.
2. should i let her know that i am willing to let her live her life and if she makes it to getting clean, that i still want to know her?
3. i feel like a weak man for not detaching when she went back to the streets to "work." i knew there was nothing i could do to stop her so i figured i would support her as best i could and she seemed very grateful for that. I don't want her seeing me as that kind of person, i am not a total passive pushover (except with her sometimes). i do not want to totally detach with her possibly seeing me as nothing more than enabling pushover.
after reading around here, i am afraid that i might have damaged the way she see's me. on the other hand- she has claimed she felt i was strong being able to handle such circumstances.
4. with that said- do i try to have a "last talk" with her? nothing long and serious, just to say a good bye, see you later, let her know i love her but need to take care of myself.
part of me says- just let it be. she will call when she needs something or does wantto talk.
the other part says- let her know that i am letting her live her life the way she wants. it does not change my opinion of her or lessen my love, but that i realize i love her enough to let her be. i never really got to say something like this to her and do not know if it is important to.
(i know my concerns should be about me, that will be the next thread)