memphis

Hi
I've viewed some of the threads on here and my situation seems somewhat tame compared to some of the heartbreaking stories some of you have posted. I never knew what alcoholism truly was until I fell in love with an alcoholic. My gf and I have been together a year(I'm 40 she is 34). I knew she was a drinker. This is something that she has struggled with for about ten years. However, I wanted to take a chance due to the fact that she is a wonderful, good hearted person. I also thought I could make a difference. I'm now thinking I thought wrong.

We have great sober times, but ultimately she falls and can't seem to get through a week without a drink. It's been nearly 4 weeks since we had our last drink together and I don't really know what else to do. I drink socially, but have told her on more than one occasion that I would quit with her. Her drinking is affecting our relationship and more importantly, her relationship with her 2 sons (ages 11 and 14). They are good kids and they certainly don't want me to give up, but I just don't know what else to do. I have offered to get her treatment. I have suggested meetings, church, etc. She's been in AA (summer 2009 being the most recent) and she just does not believe they help. I don't get mad at her when she drinks. I understand it's a disease. I just get disappointed, depressed, sad. It's causing me mental anguish and I wanna help her, but she has got to want help. I refuse to enable her. Her friends will text me from a bar saying she is too drunk to drive and I will not respond. Yet if something happened to her driving home, I would feel just devastated.

I was considering inviting her and her sons to live in my house. That seems like the next logical step in our relationship, however it would not be logical if she continues to drink. I don't want to come home from work to a drunk. I don't want her coming home and passing out in our bed. Yet on the other hand, I'm considering giving her an ultimatum, either she gets help or I'm gone. I would be willing to go to the meetings with her. I would go to church. I would do anything for her because when she is sober, it's worth it. She is afraid.

I have tried being mean (when she would show up drunk for our nightly walks, I would send her home), I have tried tough love (pouring out beers), I have tried sympathy (hugs and consoling), I have tried shame (bringing up her children). I have very strong feelings for her, but I don't know how long I can go on like this. I don't want to give up on her, but.....She has negative influences in her life. People she considers friends, who will just show up, wanting her to party. I know if she moved in with me, I feel confident I could keep them away, but I just don't think it would be worth the fight