It sounds to me like your personality changes when you drink. That personality change you undergo affects your relationship with your wife. I can totally see where the wife would have a problem with you going "yes, dear" when not drunk to "h3ll, no" when drunk.
She has no way of knowing "h3ll no" is what you really want to say when you're saying, "yes, dear." She only sees that she gets A response when you're sober and B response when you're drunk. So, it makes sense that she'd think your drinking is the problem. If this is all that's going on, perhaps you have a problem in your relationship.
As for your drinking, neither I, nor anybody else, can tell you if you're an alcoholic by the quantity that you drink. You are the only person who can judge if alcohol is having enough of an effect on your life to be considered a problem.
For me, the problem was that alcohol was physically killing me and that I was a sociopath when drunk. Alcohol stripped away any normality there was to me and any stability there was in my life.
Here's a suggestion for you: Read the AA Big Book. If I had any question about whether I was/am an alcoholic, I didn't after I finished reading the Big Book.