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Im an Alcholholic....or am i? help please

Old 09-21-2010, 10:59 AM
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Im an Alcholholic....or am i? help please

ok heres my first post......hi everyone.

33 yrs old , and think i am becoming or are an alcholic.....but im not sure.??

(period alcholohlic or binge drinker )

Heres my stats:

I have had periods of heavy drinking off and on, and the older i get the lesser they are. for example if i go on a lads weekend away for football wed all drink friday to sunday pretty much non stop and then sober up for monday at work.
this happens about 2 times a year. Does this put me in the risk zone?

When i go on holiday i generally drink most days moderately ( 2-4 beers per day) 1 or 2 days of "Blow out" does this mean im in the risk zone?

i can stay sober for 4-5 weeks at a time and regularly practice 1 month per year or more of complete sobriety. i generaly dont get drunk during the week except perhaps 2 weekdays days in total per month. however drink mostly alll weekends some weekends moderatley and some weeks heavily.AM i in the risk zone?

I never touch spirits or strong drinks, whisky 5 times per year and at that it only ever 2-4 shots at a time, combined with wine for dinner and beer.

My maximum intake before i get drunk is about 5 pints or 1 bottle of wine, after this i generally continue to about 8-9 pints or 2 bottles of wine per time which is the point where i start falling asleep, getting annoying, or getting very wobbly. Is this risk zone amounts of alchohol to put me in risk of alchoholismc?

I dont get urges to drink instead i drink out of habit, and would have no problems having a beer here and there during the week watching football or with dinner, ?

If i dont want to drink i wont, however if i decide im gonna drink i think i should be allowed.

My body isnt able to handle large amounts of alchohol, which means with not a lot of beer i can look like iv drunk for days on end, and hangovers are pretty nasty even if i only have 5 beers. Im wasted all day next day most of the time if i do drink 5 pints.

My wife doesnt like me drinking as when im drunk i drop the act of "yes dear" ill do whatever you ask and become rebellious, and say exactly what i think...she thinks its because im drunk that i behave that way. i think its because im too weak to stand up to her otherwise and shy away from telling her i dont want to be told what to do ALWAYS or what she doesnt want me to do? instead i build it up and sure as hell it comes out when iv ben drinking in tsunamis of courage.

i work religiously,have called in sick about 8 times because of hangovers in the last 10 years.

My job has never been at risk because of drinking habits

Iv never spent all my money on beer so that i couldnt pay bills.

iv never stolen money to buy drink.

If its the case that im in e risk zone, then how come all the other weekend alcholics arent being picked on? my wife doenst get as drunk as i do when she drinks but in my opinion she is happy with 2-3 glasses of wine for the whole evening. I drink twice qs much as her, in my opinion i drink averagely she drinks under average and her comparing my 6 pints to hers is double is an unfair deal.

if my wife wants to phone me every hour ans ask where are you where are you now where are you now, its not strange i turn my phone off and ignore her...whatever hapened to unplanned and spontantouity? do i have t schedule every minute of ebveryday to suit her calender or chain of plans and thoughts?

ok heres the problem..am i in denial or is she being hard on me by demanding me to drink lioke her , and tell me that i have problems because she doesnt like me drinking as much as i drink.

My opinion is , ....i can go a bit OTT when i choose, but over the whole its not quite out of control yet. Yes i do dissapear for longer than i say by the od hour, but miostly its to get out of her way more than i want to get pissed. Sometimes i get pissed just because shes not there to shout at me.

Anyway i promised id get some proffesional advice and go tto meetings but im afraid my small doses of alchohol binging will be nothing in compartison to the othe rpeople in the group and i may make them resentful toward me as my problem isnt at the scale of most of the others?

i havent drank since monday last week 8 days ago ( first time in 7 weeks before that ) and were having a football tournament next saturday, id like to have a few beers with the boys and know shell go off her head, Do i say to her "leave me alone" ill drink if i want iv only had beer 1 time in the last 7-9 weeks. or do i bow down to her and not bother? neither would really bother me but i would like to be able to choose mself and feel that i can drink at a sociable level. She demands complete surrender forever..

What do i do? how bad is my alcholism? is it saveable? is it ok for me to drink ont time every other month? even if it means i get drunk as the rest of them?

im confused........HELP
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Old 09-21-2010, 11:21 AM
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No one here can tell you if you are an alcoholic. Alcoholism has nothing to do with the quantity a person drinks, it has to do with what happens to that particular person when they do drink. It sounds like your wife has a real problem with you drinking, which is her right. By the same token, you have the right to drink if you wish. The two of you will either need to compromise or one of you will just stay pistoff a lot of the time.
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Old 09-21-2010, 11:39 AM
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All I know is that early on it was social for me, then progressed to a little more......then a little more.......

Five years later i'm drinking morning, noon and night - wondering how the heck it got to that point. Always look at the root cause - you gotta start at the beginning to find your answers.

See the key word in my post (progressed).
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Old 09-21-2010, 11:44 AM
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In my opinion you don't have a drinking problem, (although I have found out that drinking seems to cause problems for many whether they are a problem drinker or not), it sounds more like a relationship problem. But that just my 2 cents.

If drinking is causing a problem in your relationship, is it that important for you to continue to drink?
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Old 09-21-2010, 12:09 PM
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it sounds more like a relationship problem
Just wondering if alcoholism runs in your family? Is your wife perhaps worried that your occasional drinking is going to turn into a full blown problem? Seems to me that she just may be driving you to it but doesn't know it. Perhaps have a heart to heart before things gets out of hand. (my FIL died of alcoholism)
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Old 09-21-2010, 12:15 PM
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I don't believe that someone can drive another person to drink. It might be used as an excuse to drink, but it is still a conscious choice on the part of the drinker.
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Old 09-21-2010, 12:21 PM
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It sounds to me like your personality changes when you drink. That personality change you undergo affects your relationship with your wife. I can totally see where the wife would have a problem with you going "yes, dear" when not drunk to "h3ll, no" when drunk.

She has no way of knowing "h3ll no" is what you really want to say when you're saying, "yes, dear." She only sees that she gets A response when you're sober and B response when you're drunk. So, it makes sense that she'd think your drinking is the problem. If this is all that's going on, perhaps you have a problem in your relationship.

As for your drinking, neither I, nor anybody else, can tell you if you're an alcoholic by the quantity that you drink. You are the only person who can judge if alcohol is having enough of an effect on your life to be considered a problem.

For me, the problem was that alcohol was physically killing me and that I was a sociopath when drunk. Alcohol stripped away any normality there was to me and any stability there was in my life.

Here's a suggestion for you: Read the AA Big Book. If I had any question about whether I was/am an alcoholic, I didn't after I finished reading the Big Book.
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Old 09-21-2010, 01:12 PM
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I agree with what Suki said about "no one can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not". That was my experience.

Early on in my drinking, age of 21, I had a judge tell me that she thought I was an alcoholic. I had gotten a DUI and had a blood alcohol content of .22 and .24. Legal limits are usually .08. The judge ordered me to 6 AA meetings. I walked in there saw the people there were twice my age or more and decided that I could not be an alcoholic at my age.

I continued to hold down full time jobs, sometimes working two jobs, for the next 15 years. I did not drink on the job and did not drink daily. There were times when I would not drink to excess. There were times when I would drink till I passed out. There were times when I would not have a hangover and times I would. There were times when I would not black out and times that I did.

I finally had to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and move forward with my life instead of living in the insanity of alcoholism.

Here is what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says about deciding if you are an alcoholic or not:
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous page 30.
An interpretation of this:
When the authors use the term "most of us," they mean that it is very likely that we suffer from the same lack of willingness that they did. To help us diagnose our own alcoholism, they define it as being bodily and mentally different from our fellows. Though this is perhaps an unpleasant admission, we have to agree that in the light of our past experience this is true. "Therefore" means we accept what has come before. Our unwillingness to admit our alcoholism leads us to try countless times to control our drinking. We become obsessed with the idea that this time our drinking will not get out of control, that we will enjoy our drinking as we did early in our drinking careers. Usually, if we control our drinking we do not enjoy it and if we drink enough to enjoy it, we lose control. The illusion that we have power over alcohol and that we can control it remains with us long after it is evident to everyone around us that we can not. The Annotated AA Handbook Page 63
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We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovered control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals---usually brief---were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better. Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
An interpretation of this is:
This is a definition of alcoholism with which we may be able to identify. We can look at our drinking history and see if at some point we lost the ability to control our drinking. This is a sign that we may be a real alcoholic.
Alcoholism is diagnosable. In AA we determine for ourselves if we are alcoholic. Alcoholism is primary---it is the cause of our problems not the result of them. Alcoholism is progressive---we gradually get worse. Alcoholism is chronic---we usually have this illness for a long time before we try to do anything about it. Alcoholism is fatal---if not arrested it will inevitably lead to our deaths. Alcoholism is treatable---the AA program has over 60 years of success. The Annotated AA Handbook Page 63
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We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it evidently hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By ever form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore non-alcoholic. If anyone, who is showing the inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums--we could increase the list ad infinitum
We do not like to brand any individual as an alcoholic but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
An interpretation of this:
How many of these methods of controlling our drinking have we tried? How many of our own methods have we tried? How die they work? For how long did they work? People who are not alcoholic do not devise methods to control their drinking. People who are not alcoholic can always control the amount they drink. This is a good test to determine if we are alcoholic.
This is one way to find out if we are alcoholic. If we are not alcoholic then we should be able to control our drinking or quit altogether. If our experiment at controlled drinking fails it should smash the delusion that we have some power over alcohol. The Annotated AA Handbook Page 63
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To be gravely affected one does not necessarily have to drink a long time, nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential feminine alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people everywhere. But try and get them to see it! Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
A interpretation of this passage:
The earlier we are able to spot the symptoms of alcoholism in ourselves the sooner we can move toward recovery. We need not continue drinking ourselves to death in ignorance believing ourselves to weak or immoral. We can now see that we are physically and mentally affected by this illness, admit our powerlessness and seek a Power sufficient to solve our problem.
Nobody likes to be called an alcoholic because of the negative images associated with the term. the insult we feel at this label is due to our lack of humility. We have a lack of understanding of who and what we really are. If we are alcoholic, the sooner we are able to diagnose ourselves, by comparing our drinking to that of the authors, the sooner we can admit that we are powerless over alcohol and begin to recover. The Annotated AA Handbook Page 63.
Sorry for being so long winded but there is no simple answer to whether or not someone is an alcoholic. I personally needed a lot of information to decide.
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Old 09-21-2010, 01:14 PM
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Marco,

The short answer to your question is - there's no way to tell whether you are an alcoholic based solely on the amount/frequency that you drink. I would say that you are a moderate/heavy drinker when you drink. he difference is not the amount, but what's happening physiologically when you drink that makes someone an alcoholic. Alcoholics are genetically predisposed to the disease before they ever pick up a drink. The progression to "can't hide it anymore alcoholism" is identical to the life of most heavy drinkers... untill the alcoholic tries unsuccessfully to limit or halt their drinking.

See if you can pick up a copy of Under the Influence by James Milam. It does a good job of explaining the progression in alcoholism and the difference between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinkers. Check it out online at amazon, you can read the first few pages to get a feel for it.

Good luck!
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Old 09-21-2010, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Supercrew View Post
In my opinion you don't have a drinking problem,
I am glad someone else said this first. You may (or may not) be on the road to alcoholism, but you are years away from reaching the bottom I had to hit before I would admit I was an alcoholic.

Not that I would not of benefited by admitting it at your level of drinking. Just I would not have stayed sober for more than it toke to get a decent size token (3,6 or 12 months) if I had quit with a high bottom.
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Old 09-21-2010, 01:39 PM
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Hi Marco

Welcome to SR - as you can see lots of viewpoints here and lots to digest.

Like others have said, I believe it's not so much about how often you drink, or even about how much...it's about what happens to you when you do.

Do you think your drinkings a problem?
D
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Old 09-21-2010, 01:41 PM
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If you're not an alcoholic it won't be a bother not to drink again.

If your wife has a problem with your drinking, it doesn't matter if your an alcoholic or not.

People who don't have a drinking problem don't generally wonder if they do, in my opinion. And also in my opinion people without a drinking problem don't come to a recovery website and spend paragraph after paragraph describing and rationalizing every sip of alcohol they take.

Just my 2 cents.

Give it up for a few months, see if you can answer your own questions.
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Old 09-21-2010, 01:43 PM
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I think we get into dangerous territory when we venture to determine whether someone is or is not an alcoholic. First of all, we do not know this person. Secondly, we only have their word that their drinking habits are as they say in their post. I would hate for someone to take what we say as gospel and assume they don't have a problem with alcohol.
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Old 09-21-2010, 02:43 PM
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The poster asked for our opinion. I gave him mine. If you feel that everyone who asks whether they have a drinking problem should get the answer "yes", then fine. Give it to them. I will stick to my opinion, it sounds like a power struggle in a normal relationship, and he gets a little less "yes dear", when he has a couple of drinks. If it is causing problems in he relationship maybe he should quit drinking. But IN MY OPINION, he isn't a problem drinker with what he wrote.
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Old 09-21-2010, 02:45 PM
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There's no need to get snarky.
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Old 09-21-2010, 02:56 PM
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Thanks for mentioning that book Eddie, I have seen it referenced here before and actually ordered it just the other day, got an email from Amazon today saying it's on its way. I am sure it will help me understand why I am the way I am. Looking forward to reading it (_Sobor_!).
..Mike
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Old 09-21-2010, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
There's no need to get snarky.
I don't know what "snarky" means, but no offense intended.

Marco, if you feel that drinking is causing you problems in your relationships and you feel the need to quit drinking completely, SR is a great place to come and get support.

Alcoholism is a progressive problem that will get worse with time to the point where it will eventually make your life unmanagable. If you take some time to read some other topics and posts on this board and can relate to some of the issues that others here are facing then it might be a good idea to stop drinking and stick around here a little more.
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Old 09-21-2010, 06:35 PM
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I had a ton of questions when I came here, just like you do. My advice is that you should read these forums... A lot..... Thats what I did, and by seeing so many similarities that couldn't be ignored, I decided that I definitely have a drinking problem, whether I want to label myself an alcoholic or not. I knew I was following in some dangerous patterns, and decided to make some changes. I'm not perfect, but I'm far better than I was before coming here and reading.
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Old 09-21-2010, 07:48 PM
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Alcoholics can be binge drinkers (not just daily drinkers).

I heard that binge drinking is really hard on the body, because we are putting large amounts of toxin into our bodies and our bodies don't have a tolerance for it. Of course, daily drinking is bad for our bodies too. I just think people underestimate the potential damage of binge drinking.

Take care! I have struggled with the same question. I decided that drinking was not worth the risk. (One of my relatives also died after falling down the stairs after drinking. This may have influenced my decision.)
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Old 09-21-2010, 08:20 PM
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I've come to the conclusion that the definition of "alcoholic " is completely useless. It seems that Marco came here because his wife is telling him he's an alcoholic....nothing in his description sounds overly problematic although 6 pints is more than the recommended amount.

It sounds more like a marriage issue than a drinking issue but then maybe the wife is seeing something that we aren't.
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