Hey exhausted --
Welcome!
It is indeed a terrible example for your teenagers. I grew up w/ an A father and a super codependent mom who always wanted everyone to believe things weren't as bad, weird, disappointing, or ugly, as they really were. All 3 of my bros are A's. No adult in my entire childhood one ever had the courage to say "Hey this isn't right, and it's not your fault!"
Denial is a terrible thing and leads to a whole heap of shame for children of As. It did for me anyway.
Maybe you can get your boys some AlAteen literature - and check out AlAnon for yourself? AlAnon really turned my head around!
Stick around and keep posting, collectively here on SR we've seen everything and you are not alone.
Peace
B