Hey Rose
It is all about baby-steps. They may be small but they are steady and sure. You are learning something from each of these experiences and when it is time for action, whether you stay or go, you will have strength to endure with recovery undeer your belt. I think you have made amazing progress. Your clarity of the situation and knowing how to calm yourself are all great baby-steps. We know enough not to participate in their chaos, but sometimes it is hard to hold even a normal conversation without it getting out of hand.
Have a great weekend, I'll miss you all.