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a new day.....

Old 08-01-2002, 04:42 AM
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a new day.....

Good Morning! I feel good this morning. I got up and did my 30 minutes of exercise this morning and I feel good. "I feel good, la la la da, Like I knew that I could now, la la la da". Oh well James Brown I am not!

Last night after work I went to the gym and had a good workout. When I arrived home my husband was cooking me dinner. I could tell right away he had been drinking, I just need one word now and I know. Anyway, I was minding my own business, took a shower and came out for dinner. Then I fell off the wagon: I asked about his day. What this really means is what have you done to get yourself back together and get a job etc. Well he got angry about my question as well he should have. My daughter was in the kitchen. My husband starts saying nasty, annoying things. Nothing really bad but annoying. My daughter starts to argue with him and ask him why he doesn't get a job etc. Then I say, this is stressful for me, I can't handle this stress anymore and it is making me physically sick. (Which is true enough I now have Graves Disease or overactive thyroid). I said that in the book I am reading about Graves Disease it says that stress is a cause of the disease. Then my husband starts saying maybe if you wouldn't read so many books you would be better off. etc, etc. Then I loose my cool and start yelling at him. I think because he was not listening to me. Then I shut myself in my room and have no interaction with my husband for the rest of the night.
Sorry for the long story, but I want you to know how the evening goes and gets out of control. When I was in my room I wrote in my journal which helped me cool down and feel calm again. I wrote about how I know we need to separate, however after the anger passes I decide to put up with it one more time. I must have a belief that I need to put up with unreasonable behavior to keep status quo. I also realized that I often react as if I am the victim. My first response to a stressful situation is to become a victim. Thoughts I need to challenge.
After writing in my journal, I felt good about my recovery program and the possibility of making progress and changing my life. I felt like I was making progress and I would make it. I am going to my regular meeting today at lunch time and I can't wait.

Thanks once again for listening and for caring.
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Old 08-01-2002, 05:00 AM
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Ann
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Hey Rose

It is all about baby-steps. They may be small but they are steady and sure. You are learning something from each of these experiences and when it is time for action, whether you stay or go, you will have strength to endure with recovery undeer your belt. I think you have made amazing progress. Your clarity of the situation and knowing how to calm yourself are all great baby-steps. We know enough not to participate in their chaos, but sometimes it is hard to hold even a normal conversation without it getting out of hand.

Have a great weekend, I'll miss you all.
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Old 08-01-2002, 06:20 AM
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Thank you Ann, I hope you have the best visit with your husband! You have been so kind and helpful to me. I will keep going with the baby steps. Take good care and happy trails to you!
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Old 08-01-2002, 07:17 AM
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Rose,
That sounded like a typical evening at my house. Keep on taking the small steps, doing the things that give you power and make you feel good. It will all come in time and when you feel really good about it, NOTHING can stop you. Not even fear.

Trust me I never thought in a million years I would be where I am, and it took starting with baby steps. I pray for all of you every night...I would not have the head on my shoulders right now without this board, and I know that.

Hang in there~your stronger than you'll ever know!!!!!! Tell yourself that...

Love ya!
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Old 08-01-2002, 12:56 PM
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Rose,

Just the fact that you're recognizing your reactions is a huge step. It's tough to change our reactions. I ask my son how his meeting went and he knows why I ask and gets a little irritated with me. I need to stop asking.

It's hard to change our habits and learn a new way of letting go.

Keep up the good work and there is a lot of hope.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 08-01-2002, 07:25 PM
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Hi Rose.............................
You evenings sound like mine too. I just want my A to pass out so we don't have to have any dialogue at all! Because they become arguments and I am not sure what I said to "start them" as he says...it is ridiculous. So I crawl away .........hang on my computer or leave the house. It a rough way to end the day.........
hang in there....you are not alone!
Love Kitty
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Old 08-02-2002, 06:19 AM
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mo
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Hi everybody

I guess a good start would be not to ask questions of the addict. If we are truly detaching than perhaps we can wait for whatever they have to offer. I don't know. .just a thought. I have a terrible time with this myself cause I am a major inquisitor.. irritates my husband and I hate it when it is done to me.

I totally slipped up the other evening when my daughter had been gone from her home all night. My first words out to her were. ."Where were you?" ouch!!hat's is why I keep coming back.

Today I will attempt to not ask questions of my loved ones. Especially my addict.

Blessings Mo
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